I rest in the arms of my hero...

A Post-Valentine Post

My husband has never been the romantic type ever since. He has always been the practical type. That’s why whenever he does something out of the ordinary; it’s like tug in my heartstring.

Because he was working, he wasn’t able to get me something for the valentines. I wasn’t expecting much anyway. But he casually mentioned that we will have our late valentine celebration.

I was never a big fan of valentines anyway. I don’t like the traffic, plus the sight of people getting mushy, if not sulky, when they don’t have anything on that day. I hate it when something as deep and profound as love is being used by capitalist and becomes the subject for commercialism. I mean, let’s face it. Flowers and chocolates and stuffed toys are priced unbelievably high, not to mention restaurants and motels are fully booked. I mean, what’s all the hulla-ballo about? Anyone can give flowers and chocolates, or go out on a romantic dinner date anytime of the year. Why do prices have to be so ridiculous at this time of the year, and why do consumers have to succumb to it?

But then again, it’s not up to me to stage a rally against the capitalist and the commercialism of Valentine’s Day. And if we succumb, we do so for a variety of reasons.

My reason would be the rose and oversized chocolates my husband brought me on Saturday evening. And it felt like a thousand strings tugged my heart all at the same time.

On Loving...

I don’t claim to be a guru in love and relationships. In my lifetime, I’ve only been through 2 serious relationships. I won’t even say that mine is a perfect marriage, just a happy one. I never even had my heart broken, but in loving and being loved, I can say a thing or two…

Love yourself. Love yourself in a way that you want to be loved. Pamper yourself, and always remember that you can never truly give love if you don’t have it for yourself.

Love deeply, without measure. In loving, there is no much or more. It can’t be qualified nor quantified. The only way to love truly is by loving deeply, completely and purely.

Respect each other. It’s a pre-requisite to loving. You can’t love a person without respecting him/her. There has to be a certain element of admiration and awe, to continually give you a reason to love a person.

Communicate. One thing that you have to be constantly doing. Always communicate your thoughts, your feelings, and your expectations. Never assume that just because you’ve been together for a long time, everything would go without saying. Be open, honest and transparent. Leave no room for misunderstanding by communicating regularly.

The last thing I would be saying is the key to my happiness..it preludes everything else…

Marry the right person. No sense in loving yourself, loving deeply, giving respect and communicating if you’re with the wrong person. You could be in a good relationship with the wrong person, or both of you could be really good people but are wrong for each other…it is important that you find the person who is just right for you, someone who loves you, respects you, communicates with you. Someone you can grow up and grow old with.

Commitment

The other day, while having lunch with a colleague, I casaully mentioned that I had a dinner date with my husband in Sinugba Bay the previous night. Curiously, she asked me "do you still have that spark?" I blinked my eyes for a moment, contemplating for an answer.

She told me that she cannot imagine that someone who has been married for as long as we have been would still have the spark. She narrated that she comes from a family where her parents are always fighting, with matching shoutings and flying objects around the house. Somehow, I figured that she lost her faith in marriage.

Well, my husband and I have been married for 3 years. And yes, we still do have that spark. I still look at him, and wonder "How did I get so lucky?". I buy stuff for myself and still gets the thrills whenever I imagine the look on his face if I put it on. I pass through a store and remember that he likes something, and would eagerly buy it for him, anticipating the delight on his face when he gets my surprise gift. From time to time, he pops up little surprises for me as well, and I fall in love with him all over again. And yes, we still celebrate monthsaries.

I cannot guarantee that we will always be like this. There is no certainty that the "spark" we feel right now will always be there. There might come a time that one of us will "stray". But one thing I can guarantee, we both have the commitment - the commitment to work for our marriage, the commitment to make it last, the commitment to keep our family as it is - a happy one.

Why I married my husband...

I married my husband because he was my long-time crush in high school
because we were best buddies during my early teenage years
because he was kind enough to befriend a new kid in school who could barely speak the language

I married my husband because he was the first person to give me flowers and chocolates
because we used to burn telephone wires for hours talking non-sense ( longest record was 5 hours)
because he inspired me to write poems

I married my husband because he’s willing to travel from mambaling to mandaue to see me
because he never fails to show up when I ask him to meet me up
because he’s there when I needed a lift coming home late from doing school stuff
because almost all of my drawn shool projects were done by him
because he taught me how to drive, even if it caused him to lie to his dad about the scratch on the car
because he picks me up at gimmicks with friends to make sure I get home safe and sound
..and he did all these even if he wasn’t my boyfriend.

I married my husband because he’s willing to stay up all night to chaperone me to a date with someone else
because he once talked sense into me when I was on the verge of falling for the wrong guy
because he comforted me with his presence when I longed for the presence of someone else
I married him because I can’t imagine marrying someone else even at a time when I was committed to another person

I married my husband because he was my first kiss
….the first person I held hands with
….the first person I hugged
…and many years later…my first time

I married my husband because I lost in the argument and he got me convinced into this marriage
because he is persistent and never gave up on me
because he is patient…and his patience complements my lack of it
because he is responsible and mature

I married my husband because I can talk to him about anything under the sun
because I can communicate with him on an intellectual level
because I inspire him to be better person


I married my husband because he is my bestfriend, and that they say there’s no better person to marry than your bestfriend.

I could give a thousand and one reasons why I married my husband, but I could sum it all up to one….I married him because I love him, and there’s no better reason to marry than that.

Don't Say Forever...

more than 3 years ago, i exchanged vows with my husband at the altar which include the words " i never believed in forever"...and just because i made the commitment to spend the rest of my live with him doesn't mean that i now believe in forever...i still don't...i should have included that phrase way back then.

i am very careful in choosing my words because it might cost me my lifetime and my marriage. and forever as a word is still too strong for me. i still don't believe in forever, coz marriage is a constant thing, something that we both have to work at to make it last, or we could lose in a blink of an eye.

just because you're married does not guarantee a lifetime of happy togetherness. there will always be instances when you get attracted or interested to other individuals. there will always be times when you'd wonder about the life not lived, the partner not chosen, and the charming person who came a little too late...

there will also be times when you'd wonder what kind of live you would have lived, or what adventures you would have taken had you not been tied down with another person and with the responsibility of raising a family...

there will also be times when you'd wonder if you could ever survive dealing with the same attitude, sleeping with and waking up with the same person...there will be times that you'd doubt if you would never ever get bored with so much sameness and familiarity...

trust me, in my 38 months of being married, i had my share of those...

but marriage is not about doubts, it's never about speculations, never about what-ifs.

marriage is a choice. a choice to stay together, a choice to resist attractions, a choice to forgive misgivings, a choice to accept imperfections and a choice to make it a happy one.

there's no guarantee that you would not be tempted to take an easy way out. there's no guarantee that you could resist an adventure of going solo. there's no guarantee that you would not fall in love with another person. human as we are, our emotions fail us and we develop intimate affections for people other than our spouse. but we have a choice to pursue the feeling, or to stop the flame right there.

and it would all boil down to commitment - the commitment to keep the flame alive and to make it last through your lifetime. it's the commitment to choose what's right.

"in all the years that i have known you, you've always been the one who never went away, and today, i promise to be the one who will always stay. i never believed in forever, but this i promise, before God and before men, that i will honor you, that i will cherish you, and i will love you, today and always."

these are the words i have so carefully chosen, i have heartily and truthfully spoken. words that i am committed to live out, everyday of my life.