Rantings....

Monday is once again declared as a holiday! It's so nice to think that I will be having another long weekend. I haven't had anything planned for the weekend yet except to stay at home and spend more time with the kids.

I wanted to do something out of the ordinary for the weekend. Like, go to some animal farm or some park with a mini zoo so the kids could see some live animals. I want them to experience a diversity of things while growing up, things that I have not experienced, having lived an urban lifestyle all my life. I don't know what difference it will bring them, but I guess it would help encrich them as a person.

Another thing that has been bothering me lately is whether to send Borjie to school this year or not. He was very insistent last year to go to school, but the interest has waned now. We didn't send him to school last year because he wasn't even two years old then when he asked us, but now that he's turning 3, we're seriously considering in enrolling him to a pre-school. I asked him several times if he already wants to go to school, but it looks like he's more interested now in watching DVDs than socializing. My hubby and I thought that he maybe too young to go to school. We are trying to inquire around some suitable pre-schools in case he shows interest by May or June so at least we could be ready, but for now, I guess we'll just buy him with a TV set and his own DVD player so he can watch educational kiddie shows, without messing on his dad's PC.

Ho-hum... I'm done for the day. I only did six evaluations. I have established a game plan, sort of a schedule of the agents I will evaluating, and doing extra evaluations today would ruin my game plan, so I'm sticking with my six for now. I'm not seeing any reason anyway why we couldn't meet our target, even at the pace we're going.

Well, maybe I guess I would have to sign off for the week. If you guys could notice that I am not as faithful in updating my site as I used to, it could be some to frustrations, and a lot of confusions that has been bugging me lately. Well, i'll tell you about it once I've cleared my mind, or when I can make any sense at all.

Cory Aquino

My beloved country's ex-president is sick with colon cancer. Her family is pleading with the public to help pray for her recovery.

It's hard to imagine her sick. I've always imagined her to be the energetic person who is actively involved in the political arena even if her presidecy has been up. She has always been a political icon, whose words and political endorsements have so much influence on the masses. She has made the country proud by making it to the cover of Times magazine, and will always be remembered as the widow of the hero, the late Ninoy Aquino, and the woman who has toppled the dictatorship of the Marcos regimen.

Tonight, I will include her in my prayers. Hope you do the same.

Wondering

I have already submitted an application for payperpost, but as of now, I still haven't gotten any response from them. I read from other bloggers that they receive a responsse from them in as fast as 2 days, but it has almost been a week but I still haven't received anything from them.

Sometimes I wonder if I should continue this. There are times when I get discouraged especially that I have a lot to learn about web designs and widgets, and all that stuff. I seriously doubt if I can really succeed in this kind of endeavor. But anyway, let's see if we get a response from them.

Contacts

I broke my eye glasses a few weeks back. I'm nearsighted, so I still could go about my daily task without having to put it on, but I really have problem reading signboards from afar. Whenever I work at the compputer, my face has to be four inches away from the monitor to see clearly, and that strains my back. My eyesight is really bad that I couldn't make out people's faces 3 feet away. And I can't watch a movie without the specs on, otherwise I would not enjoy it.

I wanted to get another pair of glasses to replace the old one. But to be honest, I am sssooooo tired of wearing eyeglasses. I tried wearing contact lenses before but, also it was too much of a hassle for me to be having to put it on and then remove it at the end of the day.

Last Saturday, instead of buying another pair of eyeglasses, I decided to get a pair of disposable contacts. I guess I may just have to sacrifice a little for the sake of convenience, not to mention vanity. It feels a little weird but I guess I will adjust to it given some time. And also, I need to make sure that I remove it before sleeping (i used to wear it even when asleep because i was too lazy) because that's part of the deal. Aldrich initially didn't want me to wear contacts because he knows I'm too lazy to remove it, but I promised him that I will be diligent and consistent in removing it, so he agreed to buy me one.

The world is a little clearer now and more detailed. And I think I look prettier and younger without the specs perched atop my nose. I was feeling great but tired the Saturday afternoon when we went home, that I immediately fell asleep, still with my newly worn contacts on. Oooopppppssss....

BLOCKED

The IT department of our office must have found out the rampant browsing of non-work related website that they have finally found a way to block all other non-work related sites, including ny site. It's so frustrating because I can't update my site as much as I want to, and I don't want to get an internet connection at home because I don't want to use up my hours at home tinkering with pc when I could have utilized this spare time bonding with the kids.

I may be a working mom, but I am a hands-on mom. Whenever I'm at home, my attentions is fully devoted to the children, and I leave all the household chores to the helper. I want to make them feel that even if I had to work, that shouldn't stop from being the best mom I could possibly be to them.

But I also love blogging. And it pains me that I couldn't do it as often as I want to. Especially now that I have applied for PayPerPost, I need to make sure that my site gets impressions. I'm considering of getting an internet connection at home but I'm scared of how will it affect my quality time with the kids, especially that both of them are so attached to me and wants my full attention. Sigh!

Missing Work

I've been absent for two days from work. Initially, because my daughter was sick. She had fever, cough and colds and that I couldn't just leave the tending to the nanny. On the afternoon of that day, I also got asthma attack. Maybe it was due to stress and fatigue from taking care of my baby girl, as she wants to be carried the whole time, and she is already very heavy.

I went to the doctor yesterday as per my hubby's insistence. The doctor advised that I should be on bedrest so I can totally recover. She gave me antibiotics and medical certificate to justify my absences. I told her I couldn't miss work for another day as I already have a lot of things to do piled up in the office. She inssisted that I take another day to rest, but her insistence, as well as my hubby's pleas fell on deaf ears, because here I am today.

I am feeling surprisingly better now that I'm already in the office. The past two days, I felt so tired, a simple chore as chewing my food would wear me out. Now that I'm here, I still feel running out of breath from time to time, but I feel more energized, which scares me as I may already showing signs of workaholicism. The whole time that I was home, I kept thinking about my evaluations and the agents, and all the other important updates that I may have missed.

I pray to God that I will not reach a point that I will feel more alive in the office than in my home. I pray to God that I will still be able to prioritize my health over my work. The doctor was right when she said "Health is more important than your work"...I always knew she was right, but I still can't help thinking of the many evaluations that I need to do and to catch up on if I miss another day at work. And so here I am....feeling a little better....but a little scared of how things are turning out for me....

Just thinking....

I heard from somewhere the saying, "Small people talk about other people. Average people talk about events. Big people talk about ideas."

I've been feeling more like the average person lately. I feel that I am not making sense at all with my blogging, and that I am merely narrating the events in my life. I'm not sharing my inputs, my thoughts, the lessons I learned, the perspective I've gained, the way I used to when I was still writing through my journals. I sometimes feel like there's no point in reading my blogs. It's like, well, yeah, right....you went to this place, this is what you did, your day went like this...so what? The underlying question should be, why are you writing this? what for?

It makes me wonder sometimes, why should people read my blog? What can they gain from doing so?

Maybe, I need to review my perspective. I need to remember why I am writing at all. I don't want to be just an average person who talks about the daily routines. I definitely don't want to be the person who talks about other people. I want to be the kind of person who inspires other people through her thoughts, through her ideas and ideals, through her perspective. I want to be someone who can make a difference in the lives others just by sharing what I think and how I see the world. I want to be the blogger who inspires people to love life, and to embrace every day's struggles with vigor and hope and to look out to the future with so much anticipation that life gets better as we grow older.